Trina
James 2
Brenton
Arkitekt
Cibbuano
Tania Crivellenti
Book of Chux
Marie-Claire
'Microwave DJs' by DJ Chumpy
August 13th 2007 14:22
I try to encourage anyone I know to speak their mind and rant if they want to on my Hip Hop site. I appreciate it every time someone gets back to me with an article, usually full of unique insights into a world so deep and misunderstood. So here's an exclusive rant from a well-known Sydney DJ about the current state of Hip Hop/R&B DJs in Australia. It's one entertaining read.
I have a huge penis. Its that big it has its own guestlist at the clubs. Its that big that it gets into fights while Im Djing. Its that big you need a trundle wheel to measure it. Trundle wheel - those things were so gangsta back in school. Its right up there with red skins and ovaltines. I just had to get all of that out of the way for one simple reason, I have nothing to prove.
As you would have figured out by now from the first paragraph, Im a DJ. And my penis gets into fights. I was raised up listening to Rick Astley and NKOTB. The first CD single I ever bought was Celine Dion - "Because of you." So basically I had a typical heterosexual upbringing. Ive loved music ever since I watched my first Disney movie and seeing a crab sing about living under the sea. I loved how music altered moods, made you think, and made you believe that maybe it was better, down where its wetter, under the sea. It was only until I listened to my first rap CD that I truly understood how music could put me into someone else's shoes and the power lyrics had on people whether it was to inspire or make people aspire to.
After going to my first club in 2001 at Cave nightclub in Starcity, I was immediately in awe by the person who was controlling the music. Making the crowd dance, sing and put their hands in the air. I was amazed how he could make the girls feel like independant women or the guys feel as though they were westcoast gangsters just with the flick of a crossfader. Alcohol certainly helped with the illusion but it was mainly his skills and the way he read the vibe of the crowd. During that time I was with my girlfriend who was filo, and everyone knows filos love to dance, sing or be single mothers. She was the dancing kind who took dancing classes, entered competitions and watched from the podium as her boyfriend tried to shuffle his feet to the beat with little success. Im such a bad dancer I once had a guy roll me to the side and check my airway thinking I was epileptic, when I was just trying to breakdance. I wanted to believe that my lack of co-ordination was due to having a 3rd leg which got into the way of my 2 step, but I couldnt blame all my shortcomings on having a huge penis. I had to face reality that I couldnt dance but I loved music. My girlfriend encouraged me to pursue my love of music and become a DJ.
I saved my austudy money for months and sacrificed finding out what happened to Peter Parker in the next issue of Spiderman to have enough money for my first pair of second hand turntables. When I finally got them I thought it would be easy but it wasnt for me. I was never a musical person, with the only experience I had was with the flute at an all boy's school. And it wasnt in a classroom either. I struggled to listen to two different beats and making them match. It seemed impossible but the DJ at Cave made it look effortless. I spent every night practising and every waking moment listening to mixtapes and every lecture to catch up on sleep. It took me months to be able to beatmix properly and I still remember the excitement I felt when I was able to make two songs fade into each other seamlessly. It was like learning how to walk again. I still remember my brother driving me to my first gig, me fucking up and getting driven home wanting to give up and feeling stupid. Getting back up and doing it all over again. I was getting paid $40 for a 4hour gig when I was spending close to $200 a week on vinyl. But I didnt care cos this was my passion and I was fortunate I was able to live it.
Its been 4 years since then and Ive DJ'd in basically all the clubs in Sydney, been flown to Indonesia to DJ and supported various international artists. Ive DJ'd alongside all the respected DJs in the industry and consider the ones that Ive looked up to as my friends. And I continue to look up to them. What angers me is the state of the DJ industry at the moment. Ive had people come up to me at the clubs commenting about how cool it would be to get free entry, to be surrounded by hoes and thats the basis of why they want to become DJs. They want the attention, the glamour, the 1000 friends on myspace who dont even know your real name. Its a perk of the job but its not the reason why you should get into it. Back then it didnt matter because the real Djs survived, the ones who did it just to be noticed and have the 2 letters in front of their MSN nickname quickly got bored and found another fad like poker. Now however theres a good chance that they WILL become Djs. Thanks to technology like Serato which makes DJing a much cheaper hobby than what it used to be. Now you can become a DJ and have your Spiderman comic too! It even helps you beatmix by looking at the screen so there wont be any late nights practising. Im not dissing technology because I use Serato now too and Id rather carry a laptop and a box when travelling interstate than 2 crates of records. But what its taken away is a way of being able to tell which person is dedicated to the art who saves up every dollar he has and spends time in a record store to a person who just wants to be an overnight celebrity.
Its not just technology that has attributed to the increase of microwave DJs its the promoters as well. Its those slimy, greedy promoters who would rather hire an up and comer DJ who has never DJ'd at a house party over a DJ with years of experience just because he has more friends on facebook. Promoters are no longer concerned about the quality of music, they want somebody who is willing to send out emails, bulletin boards and invite their friends all for the price of a DJ. And if you can secure a birthday booking, you'll get a free happy meal toy on top of that. Shiet Ive seen Korean chicks at a Newtown brothel whore themselves for more. They no longer have to do mobile gigs where they have to bring their own equipment, put up with stupid song requests like Boy George and BOA and theyre thrown straight into a club in front of hundreds of people. They basically skipped the hard yards of having to do shit gigs and handing out mixtapes to be recognized that most DJs have to endure for years before they get their first break in a club. Its for these reasons why there are so many DJs popping up, and for all the wrong reasons.
As I said I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I didnt become a DJ to be cool or to get laid. Healthy Harold taught me that Im cool just being myself. Plus I get laid regardless cos I work at Easy Way and bitches cant resist a guy with pearl tea balls. Do what you do because you love it, not because people will love you for it. Only then can you earn the only respect that matters. Self respect.
I have a huge penis. Its that big it has its own guestlist at the clubs. Its that big that it gets into fights while Im Djing. Its that big you need a trundle wheel to measure it. Trundle wheel - those things were so gangsta back in school. Its right up there with red skins and ovaltines. I just had to get all of that out of the way for one simple reason, I have nothing to prove.
As you would have figured out by now from the first paragraph, Im a DJ. And my penis gets into fights. I was raised up listening to Rick Astley and NKOTB. The first CD single I ever bought was Celine Dion - "Because of you." So basically I had a typical heterosexual upbringing. Ive loved music ever since I watched my first Disney movie and seeing a crab sing about living under the sea. I loved how music altered moods, made you think, and made you believe that maybe it was better, down where its wetter, under the sea. It was only until I listened to my first rap CD that I truly understood how music could put me into someone else's shoes and the power lyrics had on people whether it was to inspire or make people aspire to.
After going to my first club in 2001 at Cave nightclub in Starcity, I was immediately in awe by the person who was controlling the music. Making the crowd dance, sing and put their hands in the air. I was amazed how he could make the girls feel like independant women or the guys feel as though they were westcoast gangsters just with the flick of a crossfader. Alcohol certainly helped with the illusion but it was mainly his skills and the way he read the vibe of the crowd. During that time I was with my girlfriend who was filo, and everyone knows filos love to dance, sing or be single mothers. She was the dancing kind who took dancing classes, entered competitions and watched from the podium as her boyfriend tried to shuffle his feet to the beat with little success. Im such a bad dancer I once had a guy roll me to the side and check my airway thinking I was epileptic, when I was just trying to breakdance. I wanted to believe that my lack of co-ordination was due to having a 3rd leg which got into the way of my 2 step, but I couldnt blame all my shortcomings on having a huge penis. I had to face reality that I couldnt dance but I loved music. My girlfriend encouraged me to pursue my love of music and become a DJ.
I saved my austudy money for months and sacrificed finding out what happened to Peter Parker in the next issue of Spiderman to have enough money for my first pair of second hand turntables. When I finally got them I thought it would be easy but it wasnt for me. I was never a musical person, with the only experience I had was with the flute at an all boy's school. And it wasnt in a classroom either. I struggled to listen to two different beats and making them match. It seemed impossible but the DJ at Cave made it look effortless. I spent every night practising and every waking moment listening to mixtapes and every lecture to catch up on sleep. It took me months to be able to beatmix properly and I still remember the excitement I felt when I was able to make two songs fade into each other seamlessly. It was like learning how to walk again. I still remember my brother driving me to my first gig, me fucking up and getting driven home wanting to give up and feeling stupid. Getting back up and doing it all over again. I was getting paid $40 for a 4hour gig when I was spending close to $200 a week on vinyl. But I didnt care cos this was my passion and I was fortunate I was able to live it.
Its been 4 years since then and Ive DJ'd in basically all the clubs in Sydney, been flown to Indonesia to DJ and supported various international artists. Ive DJ'd alongside all the respected DJs in the industry and consider the ones that Ive looked up to as my friends. And I continue to look up to them. What angers me is the state of the DJ industry at the moment. Ive had people come up to me at the clubs commenting about how cool it would be to get free entry, to be surrounded by hoes and thats the basis of why they want to become DJs. They want the attention, the glamour, the 1000 friends on myspace who dont even know your real name. Its a perk of the job but its not the reason why you should get into it. Back then it didnt matter because the real Djs survived, the ones who did it just to be noticed and have the 2 letters in front of their MSN nickname quickly got bored and found another fad like poker. Now however theres a good chance that they WILL become Djs. Thanks to technology like Serato which makes DJing a much cheaper hobby than what it used to be. Now you can become a DJ and have your Spiderman comic too! It even helps you beatmix by looking at the screen so there wont be any late nights practising. Im not dissing technology because I use Serato now too and Id rather carry a laptop and a box when travelling interstate than 2 crates of records. But what its taken away is a way of being able to tell which person is dedicated to the art who saves up every dollar he has and spends time in a record store to a person who just wants to be an overnight celebrity.
Its not just technology that has attributed to the increase of microwave DJs its the promoters as well. Its those slimy, greedy promoters who would rather hire an up and comer DJ who has never DJ'd at a house party over a DJ with years of experience just because he has more friends on facebook. Promoters are no longer concerned about the quality of music, they want somebody who is willing to send out emails, bulletin boards and invite their friends all for the price of a DJ. And if you can secure a birthday booking, you'll get a free happy meal toy on top of that. Shiet Ive seen Korean chicks at a Newtown brothel whore themselves for more. They no longer have to do mobile gigs where they have to bring their own equipment, put up with stupid song requests like Boy George and BOA and theyre thrown straight into a club in front of hundreds of people. They basically skipped the hard yards of having to do shit gigs and handing out mixtapes to be recognized that most DJs have to endure for years before they get their first break in a club. Its for these reasons why there are so many DJs popping up, and for all the wrong reasons.
As I said I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I didnt become a DJ to be cool or to get laid. Healthy Harold taught me that Im cool just being myself. Plus I get laid regardless cos I work at Easy Way and bitches cant resist a guy with pearl tea balls. Do what you do because you love it, not because people will love you for it. Only then can you earn the only respect that matters. Self respect.
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